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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

How To Sleep With Someone Else's Wife And Get Away With It.


My friend Sid has an interesting pursuit these days. He is trying to lasso a married acquaintance. The lady in question is thirty, has a six year old child, and her husband lives in Belgium. She became friends with Sid through a professional contact, and gradually it became obvious that she was open to the idea of something a little more than friendship. Man, Sid thought he had really hit the jackpot, but sadly, even after months of going out for dinner and outings together, my buddy has gotten as close to his boudi’s bedroom as Jennifer Aniston has gotten to become Angelina Jolie’s best f.r.i.e.n.d.

What is he doing wrong, Sid asked me, and what can he do to get some action before she hits menopause? So here is my advice to him, and to anyone else who is secretly interested in sleeping with a married lady and not getting in trouble:-

1. Be young and have a good body.

2. Be funny and intelligent. Be good company.

3. Show her that you care for her and are interested in her for who she is, rather than the sex that she might have with you eventually.

4. On the other hand, don’t make her think you are madly in love. This will frighten her because she’ll think you might do anything, even confront her husband.

5. So if she asks “Will you forget me after my husband is back and I can’t see you anymore?” , say “ How can I ever forget you sweetheart? Life will be difficult without you, but I’ll have to go on. I’ll bear even this torture for you.”

6. Don’t boast about any achievements to anybody. I know this is tempting, but remember, your safety and hers lies in total secrecy. Moreover, she’ll trust you better if she knows you won’t tell anybody.

7. Don’t frequent her house. You don’t want the neighbors to get suspicious and talk to her family.

8. Don’t underestimate the kid. Don’t display any affections in front of her. You don’t want her to tell her Daddy over the phone “ Sid uncle kissed me today and he also kissed Mommy” or “ Sid uncle and Mommy played carrom all night and the door was closed”

9. Do NOT fall in love with her no matter what happens. If you fall in love, man you are screwed worse than a highway whore.

10. And last, be prepared for nemesis. One day, you are going to be middle aged and married and your wife is going to run off with a younger man (and maybe with all your savings too). You can’t escape your Karma dude.

28 paper boats came floating back to me:

Shubhajit said...

Great post. Trying to lasso an older married lady ("boudi" if you will) is, I guess, a favourite fantasy of many a guy. So your friend Sid is in good company.

Loved the line, "... as Jennifer Aniston has gotten to become Angelina Jolie’s best f.r.i.e.n.d.".

Though I don't believe in karma or destiny, but couldn't help but quietly chuckle at your final point - makes for a classic film noir plot.

anandi said...

You seem to be a very open and frank person. :)
Thats good!
Interesting post!
I have added your blog in my feeds. Yes, Kaz is mind blowing but he doesn't think so. Hahaha.

Little Girl Lost said...

@shubhajit & anand - thank you for liking the post.I had hoped to disgruntle at least a few people but that doesn't seem to have worked so far
no, i am not the bold adventuress you imagine. I just like to see people making complete asses of themselves. ami shudhu dekhi r hashi .

Anurag said...

Great post!Amazing thoughts and equally well expressed.Even though,literally speaking,you do not have an "insight" or an "observation" or a "view" on/about such things,the hypothesis is too close for comfort to a probable real life situation.And that is what makes it so good.Why don't you try your hand at writing a book?

Shubhajit said...

Sheta to aro dangerous. Eto classic "khachhi kintu gilchhi na" case.

Shubhajit said...

Hey, i've posted review of the movie you asked for... do have a look...

SUBHADIP said...

What a post! I salute you Amritarupa..yes, having sex with a married lady is nothing more than perversion I believe and it can not lead to love anyway..if it does then yes, he z gone n screwed up! Though unfortunately this is ver common and incresing in society..
Charulata dekecho..? Sarbanas haoar agei theme jaoa uchit ki bolo..?
R ha I am already a followeer of your blog..parle amr 'A Lonely Smile' bvlog ta poro..its about Jaipur and something more..Pore bolo kmn laglo..

SUBHADIP said...

Akta natun post add korlam..a poem..bolo kmn laglo..I love poetry..do you like it also? My favourite poet Sunil Gangopadhay..parle poro..

Little Girl Lost said...

@anurag- i am going to , dude. i'm just sharpening my claws here.thanks :)
@shubajit- amar orkut-e aage naam chilo khacchi kintu gilchi na :)

@ shubhodip- debdas er jemon dev d, charulataro ekta charu L hole mondo hoye na, ki bolo? re sunilbabu- uttor ta tomar blog e debo...

laddu said...

hmmm..gud one..especially d last point....;);)

buno mainak said...

ha ha ha.fatafati boss.boudibajir somosyasomuho ebong gharoa protikar bole ekta boi likhe fel.

but madam,i cant agree on sum of ur points.all u must have is a double meaning type of sense of humour,a good knowhow of ur and her body and a bit of 'sathi hath barana' attitude-for a cerebral boudi.
and for a pure nympho,u have to smell her ass like a september dog.
that's all and bingo.
and who cares karma,jo hoga dekha jayega.
r paper ki achhe boss,ei chhotto jibone je ja chay take ta deoai uchit

Little Girl Lost said...

@laddu... thank you for paying attention to the last pont. that is very important.
@bokom... dude you don't need advice. you can screw anyone anywhere.

chaat paapdi said...

dear little girl, but you are a big girl! walked right over to this post for obvious reasons, and loved it. great insight on all the politics- the kid, the neighbors, the husband, the woman in question, the guy.... thoroughly enjoyed it.

dodoisland said...

Why would the wife sleep with some one unless she is pushed to the wall or she is crazy of exciting new things in life. What happens to the husband who comes to know of it..he may forgive but it will be tiger riding the man or man riding the tiger issue..what happens to the kid..what moral character does she stand up and provide..what happens to the many growing kids to whom parents back home show and tell emulate her ...what a humility despite her professional achievement...husband will get up and get going since he knows anyway one day this may happen..but the great thing would be to fightback if repentent and being honest and frank..may be husband also like to flirt..but is loyal for the sanctity of relation

Little Girl Lost said...

thank you papdi chaat!!
Dear dodoisland... the one rule people who visit Rivers have to follow is to not take anything seriously. I'm sorry if i hit a raw nerve there, though.

Corinne Rodrigues said...

Funnny.........:) - thanks for stopping by on my blog. Love your very bright, colorful and most interesting blog.

Corinne

Marina D'Souza said...

Bold insight into an otherwise hushed topic. I knew a married lady who was having an affair with a guy because she thought he was in love with her. You're advice would've at least helped her see the light.

Serendipity said...

hahahaha!! il remember NOT to pass on this advice (when) i get married. :D

alpez said...

dis is fuckin hiarious man...i luv dis post!

ShantanuDas said...

Boudi- Baji.. siggh.. reminds me of that missed chance at Sealdah.. when the slim and cute lady used to come and talk to me when I used to visit my college friend in a galli - since it was afternoon her husband who worled in CESC used to be away. I wish I knew you that time to get this advice!! Hahahaha Gosh!! Ur too Muchhhhhhhhhhhh!! Mucchooooo!!

ShantanuDas said...

But again on a serious note.. ..you are 100% right.. and some points from this collection ate actually the essence of making a woman want a man irrespective whether she is wife of somebody else or your own wife or nobody's yet !

.. right na? hmm Do not look at me.. i do not run after women.. those were childhood hobbies only.. not now...

btw that carrrom part was hilarous!! haha!

Anand said...

What the...??? Hahaha..
Fuckin' chilled out dude.

ONE woman who thinks like a man..... 3 cheers..hip hip....!! Hell yeah..

UR gyan..nonetheless...it's morally wrong, man. Not that I'm sitting here fr some hot debate. Besides..it's Illegal...jus like screwing the ass is. Go figure.

This kinda post comin' from a woman makes me proud of the fact that India is indeed in the developing stage. hahahaha...

workhard said...

LOL... that was one cool post....... does the same go for women too and married men... just kidding...;)

coffeeismypoison said...

This is brilliant. Totally taboo indeed ;)
but cheatin is painful...so glad u added the last few lines...
Never thought anything in this regard would have me laughing with glee.
U forgot "romance"...

extinct said...

it has been a great write up, dear friend! i appreciate your wit and command over language apart from the "weird" (?) topic u have written on........the best part of this particular post is the last point....great....u made the water rise high and high only to flatten it at the last strike........that was great indeed...kudos.....
and yes........am curious now to know you, the person....

i am suvradip and u may mail me at dipsuvra@yahoo.com

wud be nice to receive your reply mail

extinct said...

it has been a great write up, dear friend! i appreciate your wit and command over language apart from the "weird" (?) topic u have written on........the best part of this particular post is the last point....great....u made the water rise high and high only to flatten it at the last strike........that was great indeed...kudos.....
and yes........am curious now to know you, the person....

i am suvradip and u may mail me at dipsuvra@yahoo.com

wud be nice to receive your reply mail

BigTed2 said...

This is 100% correct I've taken the advice and using it. It worked it does help if both parties are married and the kids are about to leave the house.

BigTed2 said...

This is 100% correct I've taken the advice and using it. It worked it does help if both parties are married and the kids are about to leave the house.