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Monday, April 6, 2009

I Really Really Wish

I could have a software that would go through my mail, locate all the forwarded mails that are not funny, naughty, or disgusting (it would simply have to search for key-words like love, friendship, God, cancer, happiness; and diabetes-inducing pictures of babies, teddybears, and puppies), delete all such mails automatically, block the sender from mailing/chatting with/scrapping me FOREVER UNTIL ETERNITY, and send a mild non-life-threatening-merely-paralysing-for few weeks electric shock through the internet back at all the sadistic creeps.

If i can't have that, then dear fruit of god's loin, please let me have a feature on my mobile phone that will permanently lock the SIM card and also render unusable the handset of any person who sends me another forwarded sweet friendship message in the middle of the night, or any other time for that matter.


Its a long week ahead.




Amritorupa Kanjilal also writes at Rivers I Have Known: Books, Reviews, and More. Please visit her there! 

40 paper boats came floating back to me:

rahul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
rahul said...

loz..if wishes were horses..I would be the world's best jockey :P

Aniket said...

I am with you 200% on this.

I just HATE pravsworld mails telling me how I should be happy and smile at everything. Show me one person who smiles at monday morning in office!

And then those good morning mails... and friendship is... and love is.... msgs!

And people who send them are mostly "just friends" not even good friends, and wouldn't care a damn if I crash my bike trying to read there msg and die that very instant.

I don't mind genuinely intersting/funny stuff... send me all the mails you want. But I don't want another "Be Happy/Good morning/good afternoon/good week/month/yr" mail!

deepazartz said...

Thanks dear! Even I don't miss any post of urs :) I am, atleast for mw) trying to keep up with whatever is happening here... in bloggyland(term coined by my blog friend SB... donno if anyone else has used it before!)

Creation said...

It takes a lil effort (and a terrible image) to shrug these people off who send these msgs and it's worth it!

I used to get really irrirtated too... then I decided the best policy would be let them know how annoying they are. So, if i got an idiotic e-mail or scrap or sms, i just replied with a not-so-mild non-life-threatening-merely-paralysing-for few weeks message.
LOL! and voila.. they wont bother me again...

:-)
(The fact that my image is one of an arrogant, conceited bitch helped too)

lol...
Good luck for the week ahead..
till then.. happy 'sorting out the mail'!;-)

MAN IN PAINTING said...

wishes...
:)

Sthito said...

Hi, I've seen you in Shubho's blog quite a few times; it was great seeing a new name. Let me not comment anything right now on your post, but I'll just give you two hints why I am sure to return to your blog: a. Vincent Van Gogh b. Caustic humour.

Peace.

Shravan said...

same pinch, i too would want such a s/w, + an addition, to remove community requests as well, and i wish if tagged is of the air :) :p

ShantanuDas said...

if u get one pls send me that mobile software!! I too need it!
:-)

Scattered Thoughts... said...

when you get one... send it to me as well.. and you know the worst part.. people will send you a forwarded message in midnight or holi or diwali and then on meeting up next time they will be like "hey you dont answer my messages" WTF!!

SUBHADIP said...

I also wish that I should also have such a software..and hey the part of my story is not fiction..I actually Kissed her:)

Jennifer said...

Sorry for the silence, LGL!! My mother in law is coming on Sunday (!!!) and I have totally overscheduled myself this week trying to get ready AND trying to do some fun things I won't get to do for awhile. And I am in charge of a huge service project for homeless children and it all hit this week. But no, part of my "break" is not ignoring your blog!! Never! :)

Aniket said...

Jennifer,

You could set your anoles free.
That should be fun... ;-) ;-)

alpez said...

hail little girl lost...
wish dis would b true...
amen...

Shubhajit said...

I guess you just ended up echoing a thought shared by your fellow sufferers.

That reminds me of a wonderfully cynical mail that you too must have received. One of the lines went something like, "I have been forwarding countless mails to save the little 5 years old girl dying of cancer for the last 10 years. Unfortunately, she's still 5 years old, and still dying of cancer."

If I could, I would have flooded the mailboxes of those hopeless morons with all those friggin' mails on gods/cancer-stricken kids/lost child/widowed wives/gays-trapped-in-Afghanistan/need-money-to-go-to-moon/need-money-to-return-to-earth, etc. kind of mails. But I'm sure they would forward those mails as well.

Dhruva said...

Thank you for visiting my blog. Now it is not everyday someone drops into an almost-unread blog and pours in a bucket of praise. :D

I don't know if I made your day, but you sure made mine. :)

Anyway, I have read all your posts, and though I will not add to your 'followers' count,I might blogroll you.

Did I say thank you?

Quirky Mon said...

If you ever stumble upon such a software, do let me know. I'm sick of text messages saying "You'd have bad luck for ten years unless you forward the message to ten people within ten minutes" or the classic "Roses are red, and violets are blue" friendship quotes that I don't think any self-respecting individual would use after writing that down on slam books in first standard.
As for emails, I suggest you utilize gmail filters to the max. I cut down those syrupy "have a nice day" mails to almost half.

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Little Girl Lost said...

Rahul- if wishes were horses i think you'ld still fall off :)

Aniket- no, i don't think they are your friends either. i think they are frigging sadists who are out to ruin people's moods. some people collect these mails and messages, you know.

Deepa- stay tooned :)

Little Girl Lost said...

Kriti- kick ass, babe :) i love your attitude thing.

Man in painting- thanks. you too.

Stitho- welcome to my parlour, said the spider to the fly.

Shravan. Santanu, Sctattered Thoughts, Shubhadip- i seem to have touched a raw nerve here. i think i've gotten an excellent business idea :)

Little Girl Lost said...

Jennifer- why do you think aniket is fascinated by anoles? do you think it could be a freudean thing?

Alpez- some day dude, some day,

Shubhajit- buddy, every mail you send them will merely be reforwarded to me. so who are you trying to punish? them or me?

Dhruva- thank you too. lokking forward to staying in touch. you write really well :)

QM- i'm thinking of marketing something like that very soon.

Pallav said...

I agree I agree I agree...
but u knw those who send us msgs they r really nice chaps....
:)

so at least for themmmm....

haann In midnight receiving such msgs is pain speacially wen u r slepping...
but i keep on silent mode...

cheers :)
nice post....

http://pallav-love.blogspot.com/

Little Girl Lost said...

Pallav- the nicest people in the world are sometimes serial killers.

ShantanuDas said...

what abt another business idea on the other problem? that of call centres calling up to sell financial products??
like something that I press a button and LO & Behold.. a Hand goes out of the mouthpiece at their end and gags her!!!??

Little Girl Lost said...

Shantanu- Better still, her mouthpiece explodes in her face. :)

Self- Proclaimed Shoe Addict said...

huny join the club! i get sooooo happy when my phone beeps or i see some 1 or 2 new emails. but guess wht? some girl in US is still 7 yrs old have 8 yrs of tht email and is still alive! i know im being mean but hey it gets upto here after forwarding tht email 10000000000 times!

from one irritated-no-nonsense- person to another, i totally understand.

loved my stay!

Smita said...

lol, sweet post :D

Aaj hi I was wishing for a program which could read everyone in my blog list and comment as I would...It wud be a blessing if it replies to all comments in my blog as well but yes with my personal touch ;-)

Bas Itna Sa Khwaab hai :D

Lovely Blog :)

Quaint Murmur said...

You have my sympathies there LGL. I agree completely.

Also as much as I love my gmail account, I detest the fact that I have let so many mails pile up- Doctor Dictionary and Word of the Day do that to you. I now have 712 "new" mails. Ugh.

I voted for the pyjamas are cool, pyjamas are sexy option. Easy on the eyes and soothing in a way. Nice.

Self- Proclaimed Shoe Addict said...

follower of your blog! try being mine as well. ooh i have one more blog, "any night live". do read it. i really like your posts. keep it up!

workhard said...

Hey little girl How u doing... Me too, id want to kill the person who sends those useless forwards.. And they are sickeningly sweet...Hey id just call that person back and say Are you crazy dude.. U dont mean that do u? LOL...I ve done that once and it worked..I prefer to be straight forward...:)

sawan said...

lol some one seems to be really pissed off :P

workhard said...

Seriously it works :D, try it out some time

the-sagittarian-blogger said...

Hey Li'l gal lost!

Just stumbled on ur page... loved this post and burst out laughing - sorry.

hope u get that s/w asap!

Sweety.

Mahesh Sindbandge said...

LOL...
are you serious on this???

Wiat for few more decades...who knows your wish would be accomplished... :P

Cheers...

ShantanuDas said...

Arrey No LGL... if mouthpiece explodes on her face..it would hurt... I would prefer the softer but still persuasive method.. gagging would kill her but not her..
.......I cannot ever hurt a woman!!
killing is okay..

workhard said...

ShantanuDas.. I m impressed at ur gentlemanly qualities.. u rather just kill;)

ShantanuDas said...

Yeah.. I am a true gentleman.. I can never hurt a woman.. but killing is okay.. even God Kills.. I am a mere human..

Heyylloooooo Work Hard.. you are not posting anyhing on your blog.. but roaming around on other's blogs.. as I seee.. post post post... ~~
:-)

workhard said...

Will do soooon...

Al Walling said...

Ufff... of corz i read this. i am "folllowing", am i not?

twas short. yup. and to the point. and bliv me, i know wat u mean. i can be such a coffee loving sonofagun insomniac too. ^_^

Sujoy Bhattacharjee said...

Wickedly humorous this, I think I will be coming for more...