CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Of Bhais and Names

I've always been a fan of Sanjay Dutt. I've loved him in Munnabhai, Kaante, Vastav, and most of his other movies, and I used to see him as a man who has had to repent more than he has sinned. All my sympathies have been with him in spite of all that people say about him. But something changed yesterday morning while I was reading the morning papers and came across an interview of my hero.

Mr. Dutt was asked about his sisters' publicly negative reactions to his wife Manyata. His answer was - " Good women change their surnames to that of their husbands after marriage. I have no sympathy with women who cling on to their father's names even after marriage. If Manyata had told me she wanted to keep her last name, I would have been extremely offended and would not have permitted this in any circumstances."

My reaction was simply "EXCUSE ME???" I just couldn't believe what I was reading! The NERVES on this audacious bastard!!

His dig was obviously at his sister Priya who remains a Dutt though she is married. Priya Dutt has inherited her father's political mantle, much to her brother's chagrin.
I don't want to go into their murky family feuds. But I just want to put this on record that I believe this expectation that men have that of course their wives will take their names after marriage is a CROCK OF CRAP. And its disgusting how so many girls go along with this expectation, as if it is the culmination of all their dreams have their identity redefined.

Don't get me wrong. Most ladies I know use their husbands' last names. Most of my friends do too. In fact someone who I know is reading this post uses both her husband's first and last name (his first name as her middle name). But I sincerely hope, at least in case of women my age, that this change of name was a choice they made voluntarily, and not because of the expectaions of society.
A woman does not become her husband's property after marriage, so what is this deal about stamping your wife with your identity. What is wrong with her own? And if you feel you and your wife should have the same last name, why don't you consider changing to hers?

A point made out by many of course is that even if you are not taking your husband's name, you are holding on to your father's, so how is that any better. But look, my family name is the one I've had for more than two decades. Why will it have to change all of a sudden? To what purpose? A wedding is NOT supposed to be a transfer of property. A wife is also a human being, and she has the right to hold on to the name the world has known her by. Your name is your identity, or at least a part of it.

And it is a RUBBISH concept that a woman's family changes after marriage. Sure, her husband's family becomes her own, but there is no logical reason that she should stop being a part of the family she has known since birth.

People, the gender equation in our country is totally screwed. What has existed for generations is not neccessarily right or just. At least think about change sometime.

And oh, as you can probably tell by the photograph I've edited as above, I am no longer a fan of Mr. Sanjay "Keep your womenfolk in control" Dutt.

I can just hear Anik snickering "reactionary!". :-D

17 paper boats came floating back to me:

Marina D'Souza said...

Oooh i cant believe he said that. I wonder how come a Mahila Morcha didn't torch him down for those comments :P

I agree with you. I think a woman already gives up too much to be the dutiful wife. She should be given a choice to retain her ID or embrace a new one. Whatever she choses -- the choice more importantly should be hers :)

Little Girl Lost said...

cheers to that marina...

chirpy-paaro said...

Of course its should always be girl's choice to choose her surname. In any case, first name was kept by parents...atleast she can use the last name of her choice...
And Sanjay Dutt statement is just a political gimmick ..nothing else..So I dont think u need to hate him..its ok.. :))

Little Girl Lost said...

too many celebrities get away with a lot of crap priyanka. the more we tolerate this, the more we encourage it.

Jibi said...

Thought provoking words.

Eventhough I am a bit partial about the wife and husband having the same name so that a family gets made and their children have a solid and clear lineage they can claim as their own, nevetheless its pretty absurd that the women should be forced to do it.

I mean it doesn't make any sense to force your life partner into doing something so profound.

If Sanjay is so hell bent upon a family name he can very well take hers.

But I guess the male ego would never allow most of us to do it.

Anurag said...

Well said.Even though I have not been in contact with you for quite some time,I knew for sure that you will unprovocatively react on this issue and that this will be your reaction.

Little Girl Lost said...

@ jivi.. don't you think people in a family can have different last names and still be a strong family?

@ anurag thank you for knowing me so well. what is an unprovocative reaction?

buno mainak said...

ami surname use kori na
[clg-r fee book r bank-e use korte hy,epith opith kora hy ni ekhono,tbe kore nebo]

Little Girl Lost said...

@ bokom
that is the best policy. that is the solution to this bleeding problem.

Jibi said...

Ofcourse family makers can have different last names and still make a strong family.

What I meant is that it gives a fundemental skeleton in the closet for the family that some jerk can later use to pick on their children.

Which may or may not be a good thing from how you look at it...

I know I know its emosional atyachaar...

Little Girl Lost said...

@ jivi actually thats a very practicle way of looking at it, and you are quite right.
why no new posts from you? and no comments on MY new posts?

Chaitali Shah said...

I dont believe him,while I was reading this I remembered the Karan Johar show where Priya Dutt was also invited. And I saw a strong bonding between them.

God how could he?

Little Girl Lost said...

That's what love of power does to you chaitali.

laddu said...

ya he shouldnt have said dis..who gave him d right 2 decide what women should do..i feel its all just a political stunt....

ShantanuDas said...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm~~ What a fiery Post!! Truly worthy of a friend of mine!! I am proud to know you!!!! Honestly!!

Yes speak out at everything that is not right hit out... if we keep silent nothing will ever change-- Not just this issue!!

Frankly.. I myself would think it sexy to have a wife with her own surname.. it would seem I am living together with her.... neighbours will be envious.. ahh...wait let me go and tell wifey ~~~

Also inside the house we will call 'honey' 'shona' 'mona' 'my love' suntey ho ji etc etc.. so the ego problem is outside.. we need to show I own her!!

We Indians ARE a Bunch of shameful people following double standards.. we say one thing and do another thing .. we say we are modern but still look down on women...

And I will not tell more.. bcs then you will say I am agreeing to please you! :-))

keep the Fire Burning here though ..it is keeping us warm!!

coffeeismypoison said...

Asshole.
I cant believe anyone would talk such nonsense.
wat we need is a mass purge of such idiots.

eda said...

潤滑液內衣性感內衣自慰器充氣娃娃AV情趣衣蝶
按摩棒電動按摩棒飛機杯自慰套自慰套情趣內衣

G點性感丁字褲吊帶襪丁字褲無線跳蛋性感睡衣

角色扮演跳蛋情趣跳蛋煙火批發煙火情趣用品SM