Sunday, January 11, 2009

How NOT To Be A Bore

A very dear and well loved friend of mine, (let's call him Moby) , has, I'm afraid, completely broken with me. The fault is, of course mine... Moby is the type of person who loves the sound of his own voice,and a week or so ago, after listening to a two-hour long monologue(over the phone), i fell asleep. I fell asleep while he was still talking.And i suspect he didn't find out for a good 15 minutes that there was nobody on this side of the call.

Nothing hurts the ego of a man who thinks of himself as a great orator, than to have his audience fall asleep so unceremoniously while he is talking. This is probably why Moby has not called or messaged me in the last 6 days. And this would also probably explain why he has chosen to IGNORE USER me on orkut. While nothing excuses my bad behaviour, I'd like to draw Moby's attention to a few points, (though i have feeling he is not going to be reading my blogs anytime soon). This is also for any other reader who wants to be sure people don't fall asleep while in conversation with them.:

1. DO NOT act like a know-it-all. It's supposed to be a conversation, not a lecture. An excessive show of knowledge get's on anybody's nerves.

2. Let the other person talk too. Don't take advantage of the fact that s/he is a good listener.

3. DO NOT name-drop. Subtle references to your own achievements will impress your listeners. Referring to the fact that you have successful friends will merely bore them. Moreover, if you overdo it, people will stop believing you. They'll start seeing you as a very sad failure.

4. Show interest in your listeners' lives. Don't make the mistake of thinking that their raison d'etre is to listen to you.

5. Don't talk like an asshole. If someone asks you what you think about a movie, do not go on for an hour about how the director /editor/ whatever was your junior in college and learnt all he knows from you, the ungrateful bugger. Just say whether you like the movie or not.

6. If you don't know nuts about something, don't venture to comment/ advise people on such topics. If your line is film-making, do not give career advice to people in the commerce/corporate line. If you obviously don't know anything about khisti khamari, stop trying to give gyan about it to people who do know. Do not scatter wisdom about sex if you are still a virgin.

7. DO NOT be an AANTEL. Nobody likes an AANTEL.

8. DO NOT repeat your life tragedies to people more than once. The first time, people empathise. All subsequent times, they merely act polite and pretend to listen.( Honestly MB, i still don't really know what that SRFTI caper is all about. Everytime you say SRFTI, my mind switches off)

9. Try not to be self centred and egotisical. That always helps. Don't talk about imaginary achievments. It doesn't impress people. It makes them pity you.

10. And last, whatever you do, DO NOT talk incessently(I mean with zero participation from the other side) for more than 10 minutes. Moby's best is 45 minutes. He does not know this, but many a times while he's talking, I've put the phone down, gotten up to make a cuppa tea, drunk it down, and come back to my seat without him realising even once that I've been absent.

I realise that I've probably hammered the last nails into the coffin of our friendship, but it was in a good cause. If this helps Moby or anybody to hold the attention of their audience in future, I shall not have written in vain.

Hope everybody had a happy weekend.

15 paper boats came floating back to me:

chirpy-paaro said...

Hey did u delete my previous comment?? :((

Jibi said...

:) You sure showed him..

Me just a random visitor.

BTW, Were any of the potraits in your blog done by you? If so awesome work...

abhinandan said...

Bye Bye moby-DICK.......
Looks lyk AHAB greeted u wid not 1, not 2....but 10 BIIIIIIIG harpoons!!!


Little Girl Lost said...

@ Jibi... welcome dude... no, the paintings are not by me. the one on the top is by van gogh, the rest are also very famous pieces, by picasso, van gogh, frieda, jamini roy etc... glad you liked them

Little Girl Lost said...

@ hasi... HAR HAR HAR!!!!

Jibi said...

Oh ok.
Pretty good collection of artwork there then.
I am quite ignorant of most artistic works and them famous artists hence the ignorant question.

laddu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
laddu said...

arre yaar while i was reading dis post i started relating myself 2 ur fd..sometimes i also act like him...:P:P though not to such an extent and i have been lucky enough not 2 lose any fd cos of this habit ....hmmm.... i need 2 be careful now....

n ya i am not a bore though i talk soo much....:P:P

chaat paapdi said...

sweet note that. a learning as both listener and inflict-er : ). (i fit mostly into the listener role). still trying to figure out how to add you to my team members' list or on my blog page. will let you know when i do.

ShantanuDas said...

Hmm women too get angry when man falls asleep.. but unlike men whose ego gets hurt.. in women her heart gets hurt.. ~~

hey whoa!1 haha!! ur message reminds me of the olden days when kings used to assemble at a common field (park or mall maybe today) to fight it out.. u hv just use a blog post.. hehe!! Cool!!

Ohh Moby is a Film director naki? hmmm they will be egoist.. more.. all the time girls are running after them for Roles! after all!

But Guru.. tui Advice ta bhalo dieyechiss!! Pakka!

But hey! D"o not scatter wisdom about sex if you are still a virgin." -- then are or were you married? How did you give advice about marriage? Ahh.. Ha!!

Actually giving advice about sex is not difficult or for that any matter.. first read books or blogs of experts who knows.. then you become expert..! only u will have no field experience.. so better give experience BUT not to one with Field Experience.. right? Kya??

Yes I too DO not LIKE AANTELs!! I feel like wringing out their Tel or Oil!!

By the way I do hope you are not making friends with White Whales all the time !!

& now I must run or will fall asleep!!

coffeeismypoison said...

Oh Dear...I don't know whether to laugh or cry! Certainly I smiled... see? :D
hmmm...nice tips...I hope I wasn't tooooo whiny over our conversation!

sawan said...

Amrit, wut does AANTEL mean? i googled it, din find any posible match :(

alpez said...

ok...shall keep in mind...

Sucheta said...

hi! liked your post, identified (with the talker n bore MB), etc. My question to you is what if someone really does know it all compared to the other guy? It is very possible, you know! Does that automatically earn them jealousy and grudges and disqualify them from ordinary chats? Is knowledge equal to boring (it used to be so when we were children, i know, so it may still be the same to some adults) and anyone privy to it automatically a bore? Does the same apply for overachievers? Think about it.

HappyMe said...

very important to me, thanks. I don't want to be a bore, so it's high time to alter my behavior =)